Monday, August 12, 2013

"They strike, wrap around you. Hold you tighter than your true love. And you get the privilege, of hearing your bones break before the power of embrace causes your veins to explode."

Today’s the last day of my vacation.  We’re home, but I've found that taking an extra day makes for a smoother transition back into – oh my gosh.  That snake was fast.  Somebody please explain to me why a very fast snake lives in a hole against the foundation of my house and likes to sun himself on the shrubbery next to the walkway between my front door and truck?

No, really.  Why?  HE IS FAST.  And creepy.
Anaconda.  Awful, just awful.
Perhaps some explanation.  I had just sat down to write this post when my daughter’s friend popped back in the house to say, “The snake is back.”  What snake?  Apparently, while I was at the grocery store, this snake had been seen.  They forgot to tell me about it – I walked by four times with hands full of groceries.  I’m getting freaked out again.

So I was sitting down to write and had to go deal with the snake.  It was fast.  Like I've never seen a snake move so fast before fast.  The girls wanted me to catch it and put it somewhere else.  They left.  I should have killed it instead of trying to catch it – it’s just that I had no idea how fast it could move.  Most of the snakes I've gone after aren't quite so quick.  "Warp speed Mr. Sulu."

It was aggressive too until I put the rake on it and then it fled to its hole.  I caught the tail with the spade but didn't chop it (I should have) so it wriggled away.  This is totally not cool.

I’m just calm enough to reflect on my wife’s final words before she left.  “I've never seen a yellow one before, have you?”  Great.  Of all the houses in all the developments in all of the states, the alien snake had to pick mine.

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