Wednesday, September 4, 2013

"This place is about to become a sea of sweat, ear-shattering music and puke."

Heard some great lines from the kids yesterday and thought I'd share them.  Please feel free to use any of them in your own creative endeavors - or witty conversations.

#1 was describing a laser pointer game he played with the border collie who likes to drown people.  My wife asked if it was dark.  He said, "Dark-er."  I said, (wait for it), "Darker than what?" He said, "Uhm.  Darker than really bright."  Let it sink in a little.  How awesome was that?

#2 was getting ready to go outside for the school bus and turned to her mother saying, "Is that a cute boy walking to the bus stop or is it Graham?"  (Graham is our neighbor and older brother of #4's best friend.)  It gets better though.  After school Mom said, "So did you tell Graham what you said?"  #2 answered, "Of course.  Why wouldn't I?"  Why not, indeed?

I asked #3 how his first day back to school was.  I got a non-committal sort of sound.  Then he said, "It stunk."  I said, "I realize it's school, but how can the first day stink?"  Then he got a little excited and said, "Actually, it didn't literally stink, my teacher has an automatic smeller-thing."  This is a new technology to me so I asked what it did.  Turns out it's an old technology but with a really cool new name.  He said, "It's a thing that automatically poofs out smells whenever it starts to smell bad in the room.  My teacher said that she doesn't like a stinky classroom."  He likes her.  I like the "automatic smeller."

#4 had a great line too, but it was all in the delivery and wouldn't make sense without another sixty words of context and even then would be mostly lost.

Speaking of mostly lost, today's "Tales From the Script" takes a close look at the film version of "Rock of Ages".  A close and BRIEF look.  My goodness, what a horrible film.  I do not often shut off movies.  Even bad ones have a sort of train wreck quality that mesmerizes me.  RoA did not have that.  What it did have was Tom Cruise in some sort of steel and leather jock strap.  Umm.  What?

To be fair, I was not expecting a musical.  I was expecting a mockumentary or just a fictitious band movie along the lines of "Almost Famous" or "The Commitments", or even "That Thing You Do"  (And now I have that song stuck in my head.)  I thought some of the arrangements were interesting, but the story piece that made "Momma Mia" work was missing.  It struck me, fairly early on (like the bus scene) that this was probably going for "Rocky Horror Picture Show" audience participation.  Again, not what I was expecting so I had to make some major adjustments to track the film.

The problem was, in addition to being a bit too over-the-top in the acting and a bit too "Dude, Where's my story?" in the story department, it was a bit too "Hi, my name is Tom Cruise and I didn't get the memo that everybody is sick of me and nobody thinks I'm awesome and pretty much every movie I've been in in the last ten years has tanked because I'm not exactly what you'd call talented" in a leather and steel jock strap.  I mentioned that already?  Listen, Folks.  There's over-the-top, then there's over-the-top.  This was over-the-Top Gun and we could descend no further if the film had been Borat part 6.  Okay, maybe Borat part 6 would be worse.  Maybe.

If there had been something funny, or a really good musical performance, or a hint that some sort of actual story might develop, we may have finished it.  We certainly would consider it for a night when we wanted to watch "Grease, 1987."  But it had none of that and plenty of what makes VH1 popular.  If you're a big fan of MTV reality shows, this is probably your film.  Otherwise, Stacee Jaxx has nothing on Stillwater.

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