"It's a snow cone maker."

Great movies have something that elevates them above the conventions and standards of their time.  Easy examples are Casablanca and Charade which, while “old” when you watch, are still entertaining for new audiences.  I watched a pair of movies over the weekend that did not rise above their peers.  Actually, I watched 1 and a half movies.  We gave up on Crocodile Dundee.

I know you are cringing at that.  How could you give up on a classic that gave us such memorable lines as, “That’s not a kni-afe.  THIS is a kni-afe!”  Simply put, it wasn’t entertaining after 30 years.  They don’t make movies like that anymore.  If you have fond memories of that film, don’t revisit it.

The disappointment of CD led me to consider an observation I made back in the 90s when I was a fan but not a student of film.  Some of the movies I loved and watched all the time lost their luster and seemed cheesy 5 or 6 years later (or less).  When Iron Eagle came out it was amazing.  Everyone loved it.  There were even a ton of sequals.  But it’s not a good movie.  The year after IE, Top Gun was released.  It’s still good.  Somehow it rose above the genre and became more than just a summer blockbuster.

I freely admit to having been a fan of Steven Segal back in the day.  I must have watched Hard to Kill and Marked for Death a hundred times.  But they got old quickly.  I haven’t watched either in decades because the last time around they were so awful.  Yet other action movies from the same time, like Die Hard and it’s first sequel are still great movies (just remember they’re ‘R’ for a reason).  I’d argue that the first Die Hard is still far superior to the last installment.  (There was also my recent post about Red Dawn.)

So why are Terminator and True Lies so much better than Raw Deal and Red Heat?  What made Kindergarten Cop superior to Twins?  (You don’t get to blame James Belushi or Danny DeVito.)

I think it’s character.  Crocodile Dundee was larger than life, we can’t relate to him anymore.  But we all know somebody we think just might be Harry Tasker.  I certainly have met my fair share of fighter pilots who make Pete Mitchell seem humble.

"This place is about to become a sea of sweat, ear-shattering music and puke."

Heard some great lines from the kids yesterday and thought I'd share them.  Please feel free to use any of them in your own creative endeavors - or witty conversations.

#1 was describing a laser pointer game he played with the border collie who likes to drown people.  My wife asked if it was dark.  He said, "Dark-er."  I said, (wait for it), "Darker than what?" He said, "Uhm.  Darker than really bright."  Let it sink in a little.  How awesome was that?

 

#2 was getting ready to go outside for the school bus and turned to her mother saying, "Is that a cute boy walking to the bus stop or is it Graham?"  (Graham is our neighbor and older brother of #4's best friend.)  It gets better though.  After school Mom said, "So did you tell Graham what you said?"  #2 answered, "Of course.  Why wouldn't I?"  Why not, indeed?

I asked #3 how his first day back to school was.  I got a non-committal sort of sound.  Then he said, "It stunk."  I said, "I realize it's school, but how can the first day stink?"  Then he got a little excited and said, "Actually, it didn't literally stink, my teacher has an automatic smeller-thing."  This is a new technology to me so I asked what it did.  Turns out it's an old technology but with a really cool new name.  He said, "It's a thing that automatically poofs out smells whenever it starts to smell bad in the room.  My teacher said that she doesn't like a stinky classroom."  He likes her.  I like the "automatic smeller."

#4 had a great line too, but it was all in the delivery and wouldn't make sense without another sixty words of context and even then would be mostly lost.

Speaking of mostly lost, today's "Tales From the Script" takes a close look at the film version of "Rock of Ages".  A close and BRIEF look.  My goodness, what a horrible film.  I do not often shut off movies.  Even bad ones have a sort of train wreck quality that mesmerizes me.  RoA did not have that.  What it did have was Tom Cruise in some sort of steel and leather jock strap.  Umm.  What?

To be fair, I was not expecting a musical.  I was expecting a mockumentary or just a fictitious band movie along the lines of "Almost Famous" or "The Commitments", or even "That Thing You Do"  (And now I have that song stuck in my head.)  I thought some of the arrangements were interesting, but the story piece that made "Momma Mia" work was missing.  It struck me, fairly early on (like the bus scene) that this was probably going for "Rocky Horror Picture Show" audience participation.  Again, not what I was expecting so I had to make some major adjustments to track the film.

The problem was, in addition to being a bit too over-the-top in the acting and a bit too "Dude, Where's my story?" in the story department, it was a bit too "Hi, my name is Tom Cruise and I didn't get the memo that everybody is sick of me and nobody thinks I'm awesome and pretty much every movie I've been in in the last ten years has tanked because I'm not exactly what you'd call talented" in a leather and steel jock strap.  I mentioned that already?  Listen, Folks.  There's over-the-top, then there's over-the-top.  This was over-the-Top Gun and we could descend no further if the film had been Borat part 6.  Okay, maybe Borat part 6 would be worse.  Maybe.

If there had been something funny, or a really good musical performance, or a hint that some sort of actual story might develop, we may have finished it.  We certainly would consider it for a night when we wanted to watch "Grease, 1987."  But it had none of that and plenty of what makes VH1 popular.  If you're a big fan of MTV reality shows, this is probably your film.  Otherwise, Stacee Jaxx has nothing on Stillwater.