"Whatcha got ain't nothin new. This country's hard on people, you can't stop what's coming, it ain't all waiting on you. That's vanity."

This is an exciting post for me.  I'm writing it with a new keyboard.  My office/studio is set up in a tight 'U' shape which requires me to use a wireless setup for keyboard/mouse.  I've been using a Logitech product that reminds me of the Saab 900 I owned for a few months in 1999.  It was funny looking, comfortable, and I really wanted to like it, but it just didn't work.

Today I replaced it with the Taurus of wireless keyboards, the Microsoft 3000.  Nothing fancy, just a straight up QWERTY that's sized to my fingers, angled perfectly for my lap, and has a palm rest that, while redundant when working at a desk, fills and important role when working reclined in an old desk chair.

I was going to write about Cormac McCarthy today because yesterday I watched a video of his interview with Oprah Winfrey and was very impressed.  I'm familiar with some of his work, but not all.  I'd have read more, but I found The Road so depressing that I haven't gone back.  Not everyone had that experience and it was really a remarkable tale.  I read it in about a day and half, if that's any indication of his skill.

I just realized that my two thoughts are running parallel.  (The second being why QWERTY is the perfect layout for a creative author even if it is a slower keyboard.)  What you will notice, if you read McCarthy, is that his prose is not complicated, his characters are.  In many ways, his writing reminds me of Robert Cormier - it is incredibly deep and accessible to to nearly all ages.  You never find yourself reaching for a dictionary to discover that the house is a "faded red" or the man looks "old".  He tells you the house is red.  Even if there are ten houses that are red we don't see ten different words for red.  Of course we don't see 10 red houses, he's too good of a story teller for that.

Our lesson is to not be lazy.  Don't hid behind big words or creative twists.  Those are the special effects of prose.  You need a straight and clearly plotted story arc that is followed by complicated characters that are doing things.  Don't take the easy way out.  Slow your fingers down - use the QWERTY, it's fast enough to capture good ideas, and then make your words count.  Events are important, sure - but we don't care about the events, only the effect they have on the characters.

If a tree falls in the woods and nobody is there, does it still make a sound?  I think so (you may not), but, really, do we care?  Of course not.  Your character, hearing the tree, and his action showing what hearing that tree means - that's the heart of the story.

"Magnum, why does the floor move?"

Okay, so I've modified the quote a bit today - it should read, "Indy, why does the floor move?"  But today isn't about Harrison Ford, it's about the first choice for Indiana Jones, Tom Selleck.  Forgive me, but I think that would have been a mistake.  Don't get me wrong, I'm a big Tom Selleck fan - I even named one of my characters after him - but I think I may be the only person in North America that actually liked the movie Lassiter.  I just don't think we'd have made it to see Sean Connery as Henry, Sr. if we'd started with Tom.

Yesterday was, of course, Must See TV Thursday and I promised to address the special case of Magnum PI in today's post.  You may have wondered how I could do that on Fiction Friday.  I opted for something that treads the line between horrible fan fiction and unlicensed use of trademarked and/or copyrighted material.  If you aren't familiar with the show, watch a clip (at least the first minute) - what follows won't make any sense at all if you can't hear John Hillerman's wonderful baritone droning on about... everything.

Oh, and I wrote it as prose because I don't know how to write TV.  Yet.  Come on Tank, where's that program?

***

"My goodness, Magnum."  Higgins tore his glasses from his nose in aristocratic fury.  "I cannot, indeed, will not, believe that this drivel passes for journalism."  He threw down the newspaper, an article about the best TV theme songs prominently displayed.

"Now Higgins."  Thomas flashed the million dollar smile, spread his arms wide in an attempt to calm the old soldier but instead came dangerously close to knocking over a priceless vase.

"Be careful with that!"  Higgins moved around the desk, surprising spry, guarding the artifact with his body. "Must I remind you that that vahze was only recently recovered from the excavation of the ruins in Mara Pichu, and is to be a gift from Mr. Robin Masters to the delegation for Hawaiian Independence at Thursday next's luncheon in the Blue Mango Club?"

"I'm sorry.  Look, you need to get to the end."  Thomas was torn between laughter and concern that the minute judo master would send his massive frame crashing to the rattan mat at his feet.

"Really.  Imagine how awful the stories about what passes for your sordid adventures would be, without that cacophonous ruckus at the beginning showing our lovely island from T.C.'s helicopter."

T.C. looked up from the copy of Ex-Patriot Today he was reading.  "Higgy-baby has got a point there."

Magnum back pedaled.  "I'm not arguing with you guys.  I think our theme is the best there ever was on television, I'm just saying you should read the whole article."

Higgins scowled, then satisfied the vase was safe, returned to his writing desk.  "Very well.  Where was I?"  He resumed reading the paper.  "Ah yes.  Dr. Who... no discussion complete... the American Mark Post.  Oh."

Magnum smiled again.  "Go ahead Higgins.  Read it out loud."

Higgins was embarrassed though it only showed as minor irritation.  "Really, your sophomoric games weary me.  Lads!"  He started to get up, but Magnum insisted.

"No Higgins.  I really think you should read it out loud."  His bushy mustache danced over a smile smug enough for an entire winning polo team.

"Fine."  Higgins once again put on his glasses and, standing in his khaki jungle uniform with spectacles perched on his nose, read from the paper.  "Of course any list of top TV themes must exclude  Mark Post who's prolific work defined the soundtrack of American television for a decade.  His theme for the hit show, Magnum PI - really, they couldn't think of a better name?  His theme for the show, Magnum PI, is perhaps the finest example of synergy in all of television, surpassing even that of Miami Vice and Jan Hammer.  Think about it.  How many bars of the Magnum theme do you need to hear before you smile?"

Higgins looked up.  Thomas smiled.  T.C. looked over, magazine folded over his lap.

"Drivel," said Higgins with a snort as he turned away.

Magnum's shocked protest was lost beneath T.C.'s deep rolling laughter.

" I can't remember to forget you."

I seem to have been confused about days - yesterday was not Thursday, today is.  Today I will not post about Magnum, that's for tomorrow.  But I will honor my error with a title qoute from a movie that is all about memory.

I submitted my entry for the Quest Initiative.  Heady stuff.  Did that when I still thought today was Friday.  Probably a good thing, gave me one less day to worry about it.  I settled on my two best, most commercially viable ideas.  I know, that sounds oxymoronic.  How can a commercially viable film be based on a good idea?  Well, if you read the scripts behind the movies, you will find - often - a depth that is sometimes missing in the film itself.  You are not distracted by everything else.  It isn't that there is anything wrong with the movie - just that the experience is different - sort of the difference between watching a band perform in an arena or at a private club, the script experience is more intimate.

My eldest son had his wisdom teeth removed today. I expect we now have our own YouTube quality video of the "coming out of anesthesia" stage that has become so popular.

I was reading a discussion about writing escape sequences recently and it struck me that in all of the discussion of the technical skill, or the crafting of the path out versus dues ex machina, there was no mention of the importance of the STORY surrounding the escape.  That seems to be the most important element to me.  I could write twenty stories about escaping from handcuffs and while the escape technique would be the same in each, I don't believe you'd realize it unless you were specifically looking.

I think that's because as the author, you're telling a tale, first and foremost, and the fact that the protagonist escapes is what's important in the scene.  A fancy, new-fangled way to escape is a nice bit of clever work, but it's not going to carry the story.  However, if you have a really good story, a "classic, done a hundred times can't believe we're seeing it again" escape works perfectly well.  Why?  Because it isn't the same escape they've seen before, this time it's your characters in your story.

In Star Wars, Leia escapes a locked room (cell) because somebody else opens it for her.  Just a few short minutes later, Leia escapes another locked room (trash compactor) because... somebody else opens it for her.  The story around the method changed so nobody notices or cares that the same device was used.  We don't care about it, only that she gets out.  Unless you somehow draw attention to the method, or fail to draw attention away from the method, the how is lost in the why.  Our emotion is invested in the character, not the device.

You can try to argue, but there's no escaping my logic.  Escaping.  You're not laughing.